Things to say....

Good Morning! Yeah, as usual, it's been a while! :)

As you all know...I got married!! Martin and I said "I do" on October 8th!! The wedding was great! All of friends and family were there to celebrate with us! The ceremony was perfect and the party afterwards was awesome! We want to thank everyone who took part and helped us celebrate the day! Then it was off to Aruba for our honeymoon!!

So, with saying all that....

Martin and I want to have a child. He is such a great Dad to Chay and I know he will be a great Dad to another one....

So, getting pregnant and having another child has brought on the ?...Do I stay at home? I was financially unable to stay home with Chaytor. And to be honest, it was probably not best either. I was a different person then. I was impatient. That is one of the biggest changes that I have "gone through" in the last few years. I am much more laid back and patient. I do understand (all you stay at home mom's) that doesn't mean I will never have a day, or 2, or more (LOL) of "why am I doing this" and "I am going to go insane"!!! But if I can stay home, then I will try it.
What I am super nervous about is when I am ready to go back to teaching, will there be a job for me? That really makes me nervous. And then I wonder, will I want to go back to teaching? Or try something new? (Hmmm, is this a cage I need to get out of?)

But this is what I know! And this does not ONLY pertain to the school I am currently teaching at, all school teachers have to deal with the things I am about to wrote of:
I am able to work part time. When Robbie passed, I had to go part time. I was a mom and a dad to Chaytor. Teaching was honestly the last thing on my mind.
Obviously, a lot has changed in my life. I'm a new me. And I am happy, happier than I have ever been in my life. And I owe that to God and his son Jesus. I see the blessings and lessons I needed to learn. I know now what is important in life. And I grab it by the horns everyday!
My God if #1, my husband is #2, and my child is #3. (fellow PCCers know what I am talking about with all that).
What I do know now about being a working mom (and yes, I know I am only part time and full time is much harder, I am not down playing that full time role at all)...is I am exhausted at the end of the days that I work. I know that I will be exhausted at the end of a day if I am ever a stay at home mom, too. WHAT I DO KNOW is that my energy on those days (of being a full time mom) will be for my family and helping them out and teaching them...not for jumping the hoops we teachers have to jump through everyday and then come home to no energy for my family or even for my God.
I am a very sociable person (hehehe)so I would need to find things to do with other mom's to keep that part of me alive. I have thought about all that...I have other friends who stay at home I can socialize with, I have GOLD'S GYM for my physical and mental health, and I can start to do more things for my church that I have been longing to do.
And if I don't like it...I can go back to work. It might not be a teaching job right away, but I will find something to do...
I do know I will miss my students terribly. I love that part of my teaching job. I don't love the other crap we teachers have to do that makes us want to quit our jobs. That is the part that drains me....but the state and county tell us what we need to do.
VENTING: Those of you who know nothing about the professional teaching arena....we do it all. And yes,I mean it. In addition to teaching our subject, we teach life lessons, behavior, common sense sometimes, responsibility, and we even counsel your child when they are upset about something they don't feel like they can talk about with you. (NOTE: I am not saying every parent out there is not a good parent. What I am saying is that a lot of them don't want to deal with their children).
Yes, there, I said it. My theory is that some parents don't want to take the time or energy they need to to actually be a parent. They do not want the stress of that. I wonder if it's the generation of some parents who got pregnant very young and were not ready to be parents...and they still aren't ready. AGAIN: I am not talking about all parents. I know a lot of good parents who have some high stress kids...but they don't ignore them, they are there for them and I thank them for that.

So, when I think of adding another child to this family, I think about how I feel on the days I work...exhausted, tired, just want to be left alone sometimes. So the answer is yes, I will try the stay at home mom thing-with activities to keep me mentally and physically healthy. I will have energy for my family and my children. It may sound selfish....but it's not. If I wanted to be selfish, I would continue to work for money and spend my energy on other "things" besides my family.
SOOOO...now, after saying all that.... we just got to get pregnant....easier said than done!!!