Hard, but honest thoughts from a SPED Mom

My oldest son is autistic. Most everyone who reads my blog knows this. He is pretty high functioning and you can't look at him and see it in his features. But if you watch him, you see it in his behavior. He took a long time to talk and now he talks all the time. But it is the same things over and over........Harry Potter, fishing, and who is not happy with him............."Is so and so my friend?" When we go places, people stare. And it truly does not bother me. I am use to it. But I will always remember when Chenoa, Savannah, Chaytor, and myself went to Busch Gardens. Savy said (as they stood in line for a ride) "Why do people keep staring at him? It makes me mad!" Chenoa and I explained that because he doesn't look different, people assume he is a normal child who is acting up. They don't understand. And I have to remind myself that children who stare at him are the exact same. Our close friends and others that have been around Chaytor know this. Once Chaytor was able to "play" with other kids, he was ok........since they were young. But this summer is starting to show me that other kids are maturing and developing and he is not. He is mentally stuck in a younger childs body..........even though he can tower over other children close to his age. He use to just "be in the room" when he played with others. Then other kids started to play with him too. But now it's back to that. He is able to communicate with them, but still wants to play the same old stuff that he did when he was younger. They don't. They get tired of him asking if they are his friend. They get tired of Harry Potter. And I don't blame them one bit. I do too.............who the heck do you think hears is ALL THE TIME? :) Martin and I work on refocusing him, but you know what? he loves to talk about fishing and Harry Potter and especially the weather when we are having storms like we have been. His hard core focus on these things can keep him from being able to do other things like his art project at Mega Camp. For the last 2 nights he just wants to stare of the window and ask the adults about shelf clouds and cold air mixing with hot air, etc. The kids don't want to hear it. And it gets old. But it makes him happy. He loves to talk about these things. And though this may make some of my readers "angry" he is smarter than a lot of other kids about this stuff. He will take this hard core focus one day and make something amazing out of it. I know it. God gave me a special needs kid for a reason. I needed to be taught to stop being so selfish. I needed to be taught to slow down and focus on something else besides me. And even though I faulter at times, I have changed. I am more laid back. Some of you may be like "what?" but it is true. I do not stress over piddly things I use to. My house is not clean to the whisle like it use to be..............and I am a much calmer person because of it. God gave me Chaytor for a reason. I wouldn't want him any other way. Chaytor's behavior also has affected my realtionships with friends. As stated on FB, I HAD friends that use to call to invite us to play. Their kids liked playing with Chaytor and we always had fun. As their kids grow and develop, mine does it at a slower pace. And there is no need for me to push TOO hard. He has anxiety. Major anxiety about who is his friend and if you are upset with him. Martin and I pick our battles over what to get upset about and where to handle it. So NO, I don't always discipline my child as soon as the act occurs. But I am his mother. I know him better than anyone else except God. My heart brakes when I hear people complaining about thier normal children in things like sports and school. Part of me wants to tell them to shut up, but I don't. I keep it in and Martin hears it later (lol). He understands. I want to say "Don't you dare complain that your kid didn't hit a homerun or that he lost a spelling bee....be happy your kid can play on a team with a group of kids or something along those lines". My heart broke last night as I watch a good (old) friend pick up her kids and another old friends kids......mom's that use to call and want us to play. The heart breaking part was on our drive home as I watched them stop to play and eat ice cream. Those kids USE to like to play with Chaytor. Now they avoid him cause he is difficult to play with. Which means, my old friends avoid me too. Oh, they act all smiley when they see us, talk for a moment, but keep on going after that. I even had one tell me Chay couldn't come over to play one night........and found out later all the "normal" kids were allowed to come. This is where I feel alone. Any mom with a special needs child has felt this as some point or another. and it hurts. It is now a part of my life. And I know that friendships evolve. The ones that understand me and Chaytor will stay. The others will move on. This post is NOT for sympathy.I don't need to blog for other people's pity. I have too much in my life to even think of lowering myself to beg for pity.But this blog is to educate those who don't know what it is like so that they , if presented with this type of situation, have some empathy and take time out of their normal lives to understand what it is like to not have a normal child.