I've been working on my relationship with God. In addition to asking myself if He would be happy with my progress before I react (most of the time), I've been talking (praying) to Him a lot. I feel better and more centered when I pray. But I have to admit, I'm praying for a somewhat miracle.
Chaytor, my autistic 6 year old son, is having a lot of issues; probably due to more "pressure" at school (compared to preschool). Every evening is a new meltdown. His meltdowns started about a week after school started. He hates it. He says it is too long and all they do is draw and sit. Now, I know that is not all they do, but I do understand it is a lot more than preschool. I was hopping for a good year, as all parents do. I was told his teacher is amazing and knows how to work with kids like Chaytor. I guess I was expecting all to be well and good. Now, I am in no way saying his teachers are bad. I think they are great and I am happy for all of their help and insight. They have a lot of patience to deal with Chaytor. But, it's not a good year, so far. Chaytor is smart and knows his scholastic information. But his behavior and misunderstanding about ....well, everything, just isn't going so well. At all. I have had to tell him that Mommy will go to jail if he doesn't go to school. That is the only thing that gets him there. Every morning is a struggle. It takes forever to get him up and ready. And it is constant whining and yelling- from him. I have learned that if I raise my voice, it only gets worse. And an entire new meltdown occurs. He tells me I am mean to him and cries. Oh my God does he cry. And then it takes even longer.
Everyday I pick him up, I have to mentally psych myself up for whatever is to come. And then I deal with it for 4-5 hours before bed. An hour of homework. No, it wouldn't take a "normal" child that long to do 2 simple worksheets. But it takes Chaytor that long. Because he has to fuss and fight me on it. It takes him 10 minutes to write his name. He is constantly focusing on other things. I am always having to bring him back.Then it's how will I entertain him the rest of the evening.
I am taking suggestions (from people who understand these types of kids) on new disciplines. I tried spanking. NOPE. Cause then he thinks he can hit others. I've tried time out. NOPE. Cause he doesn't care if he is in time out or not. I've tried taking things away. NOPE. He will look at me after he does what I tell him not to and says "now you gonna take (fill in the blank) away" and laugh. The social skills that lack in an autistic child is hard to understand. To me and you, we just know these things. They don't.People stare at you. They judge you. They whisper. Most times I don't care. I really don't. But a human can only take so much.
He tells me he doesn't like me. That I'm mean to him. That he wants Nana or Greenie or Cassie. Anyone but me.And I find myself hating my child. I mean really hating him. Then hating me for feeling like this. I cry as I write this, so ashamed to actually admit it. But I've got to get this out.I am suppose to be strong, right? I was left alone to handle this and there are days I just can't deal with it very well.No, I am not going to harm Chaytor or myself. I value my life more than that. I love him. He is mine.
I am thinking of asking for professional help for him and me. Maybe a specialist in autistic kids. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.But I have to say this ....cause I just do. All you parents out there who have "normal" children. Children that sit down and do homework, don't yell at their teachers, don't yell at you all the time, who understand social cues, etc. Children you can take in public and pretty much have a good outing without a meltdown or embarrassment...Be happy. Thank God for the children he gave you. And don't try to give advice to those of us who have special needs kids, cause unless you live daily with that child, you don't get it. You just don't get it.
And stop staring. Please.
4 comments:
Oh honey. I feel like anything I say would either be condescending or insensitive. Just know I love you. Oh so much. And I love that little boy. That is no help. At all. I know that. :O( And I do thank God for my children...and I just have no answers for you. As always, thanks for being so open and honest. You help people everyday. God is listening. I promise...
Oh how I understand. I have days just like this. But no one wants days that are like this all the time. Homework - You say he knows the work - and he's not having trouble acedemically? Then skip the homework. Really. Talk to his teacher - is homework that important to ruin the entire evening? That's bs. I wouldn't do it. And I still fight with Andy to get it done - but when its that bad we just don't do it. Ask them to work on some things at school instead, because you need your time together to be peaceful so he can be ready for another day at school. It will work itself out. He's not developmentally ready for homework. And I have some cards for you Elizabeth told me about - took a million years to get the though - http://www.autismcards.com/autism-cards.html I hand them out to people who can't keep their eyeballs to them selves. You coould even make up your own.
Focus on having fun with Chaytor as much as you can when you are together. Make dressing a game, turn tasks you have to do into games and don't worry about the other things - laugh as much as you can. Pick your battles wisely. Don't expect him to be like the other kids ever - just let him be him self -I believe its when I am expecting Andy to behave like an average 6 year old that I get frustrated, and then he gets frustrated and the cycle goes on and on.
Take a break - go on a mini vacation somewhere fun together.Call me when ever you need.
oooh - more tips for mornings -
get 5 storage boxes - like the plastic shoe box size - write the name of the week on each box and on Sunday night lay out all his clothing for the week. In the bottom of each box could be a surprise. Each morning - send him to get the box and get himself dressed - he gets the prize when he is done.(or use a ticket or play money like a reward chart to earn a bigger prize) It actually saves you time during the week to lay it all out on Sunday night.
(our pre k teacher recommended it - and it worked and helped mornings go quicker and be more fun!)
Andy also needed several breaks during the day - maybe he need more breaks - the full school day is very long for them, and he needs his day broken up - see what your team can accommodate. Is there and instructional assistant who can give him a break time or pull him aside when he needs it? Get it put in his IEP - being able to ask for breaks when he needs it is part of learning to self regulate his behavior and is a positive thing. If they give them when he is giving them clues he needs one, he will start to ask on his own. Andy like to be alone or to draw for his breaks, wheat calms and centers Chaytor?
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