Lots to catch up on....

Well, let's see....where to begin.

1. Paul and I broke up. He actually did it, but we both agree we had a gut feeling about it. I just wish I had been strong enough to voice it. But, it is what it is and I'm going to work on the single thing for now. Getting my self together and not worrying about what a man thinks- that I'm not good enough. That's not how someone should feel about themselves. I still have hurt and anger toward the situation, I felt like it came out of nowhere. But I have to deal with it and so the healing begins.
I think we both want different things in life and some things I take more seriously than he does, and vice versa.....I don't know all the answers of why, never will. He never really opened up to me about a lot of things, maybe we should have talked more....I dont know. All I know is that it can't matter anymore if I am going to move on with me and Chaytor.
It is his loss especially when it comes to Chaytor. All of you who know Chaytor, know that!
I wish him well. There is no reason or rhyme to hate or dislike.

2. School is going well, I had 90 kids sign up for Anatomy next year, but we can't have that many classes...especially with me being only part time. I don't think they have the money to make me full time, but sometimes it can happen. I believe I am ready for full time, but scared to death on being a full time mom and a full time teacher. I use to do it, when Robbie was still here. But as all of you who knew Robbie know...he was an amazing father. You couldn't ask for better. I miss him. This Wednesday would have been our 9 year anniversary. It feels like his accident happened so long ago. I look at pics to remember the features of his face, dimples, places he always missed when he shaved....I miss him terribly. And I , well, I don't know what else to write about that, I'm sure you understand.

3. E.N.U.F.- my church small group has been amazing to me in the last few weeks dealing with the break up and realizing it hurts more than usual due to my insecurities. I love them very much. Chaytor and I have spent a lot of time with Chenoa and Savannah. She is like the big sister he never had. I can talk to Chenoa and she doesn't judge me, but does give me the "last 10%" of what may hurt but needs to be said. I thank God for them, everyday.

4. Brian....as some of you know I dated a great man months ago. We dated for about 9 months. We broke up on friendly terms. He was always there for me and Chaytor. Chaytor adores him. He came back into my life about 2 weeks ago. Lots of good friends came back into my life that I have missed. We are not dating but are spending time together as friends. He is helping me through a rough time and is amazing about all of it. He also gives me the last "10%" I need to hear in order to move on in my life. I still think he and Chenoa would make a great couple....I swear they are twins! He listens to my thoughts, he held my hand one evening until I could finally fall asleep, he even has watched Chaytor for me when I needed someones help. He is a good man and I am lucky to have him as a friend.

5. God....doing better in accepting him in my life, still no Bible thumper or anything. Don't think I ever will be.

6. Jesus- hmmmm, still working on that. Don't get the dying for my sins. But yesterdays service at PCC did help explain that one a little better. Maybe some of you can give me some advice on how to understand that. Please.

well, lots to do today.....later