A New Family

This day and age, what use to define a family doesn't fit in what we today can define as a family. There are so many different forms of moms and dads, aunts and uncles, grandparents and sisters and brothers. I never thought I would be a part of the different definition. But I am. What is the best way to put this...I didn't want to be a part of the different definition of family. But sometimes we have no control of what happens...we only have control of how we react.
To explain further: I never thought I would have been married 2 times in my life. The only way I use to think you could be married 2 times in your life (or more) was to be divorced. The image of widow at 31 never entered my thoughts. I didn't know anyone that had happened to...so I didn't really think about it til it happened to me.
So first we will start with the good, old fashion form of Dad: my Dad. My parents are still married (which is a lot to say in these times) and I am proud of that. I have a great Dad; we might not always see face to face, but we love each other. My Dad is awesome. He's not perfect, but who is. He loves me and accepts me for who I am, whether he likes it or not. And he has taken a lot of crap from me...and never shut his door on me because of my behavior. I do consider myself a daddy's girl. And I can't thank him enough for putting up with me.
Second: step dad. This is term that is more common these days
Most of you know Martin has officially adopted Chaytor. This was something we discussed for a while, but in my heart I knew that when I married again, the man I loved must love my son more than me and he would want to adopt Chaytor. Martin was the one to bring it up first. I didn't want to be the one to put the idea in his head...then it wouldn't count and I would never know if he was the first one to really think about it. This was not an easy thing for me at first...and this is why (brutal honesty here).....
My situation is different in that Chaytor's dad is not around (on earth)..not just a town away or in another state. Martin was not in just the step dad position...he was the dad. Some kids have dads that want nothing to do with them (I can't imagine how that must feel)and some have dads that left and never looked back. Some have dads every other weekend. Martin came into a situation that required him from the beginning to be a dad. And he took the position with grace. Martin fell in love with Chaytor before he fell in love with me. Which again, was a requirement! For a 'new' family to really work, I mean really honestly work, the "spouse" coming in MUST love the children too. It can not be a "I love the woman and I can deal with the kids" situation...that will not work.
What helped the situation as well, was that Chaytor is very accepting of meeting new peole. Martin went right on in and got his hands dirty as a dad. He was not scared (or at least I thought he wasn't, he didn't show any fear). He loved playing with Chaytor and having 'Chaytor conversations'. Working with Chaytor takes a little getting use to ....if you know Chaytor, you know what I mean. It was natural to Martin. It just worked.
And it didn't have to. Martin could have moved on to a girl with no kids to deal with. Or at least to a girl who had every other weekend off from her kids. But he didn't. I remember I use to have to say "Can WE just go out? No kids?" cause Martin always wanted Chaytor to be right there with us.
So, let me brag about my husband...cause he deserves it: MY HUSBAND is amazing. He is so kind and gentle. He is a great dad, a natural. He is loving and always willing to help anyone out....even if he is exhausted from a day at work in the 100 degree weather. He goes grocery shopping. He does the laundry. He cleans. He cooks dinner. He gives me time off from being a mom when I need a break. Yes, ladies HE IS MINE and NO I WILL NOT CLONE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I know Chaytor has an amazing roll model for a dad. Chaytor is biologically Robbie's son, but circumstances happened that were out of our control and we lost him. And God sent Martin to us. I know Robbie would be proud that Martin has done more than just step up to the plate here....he fully filled the role of Chaytor's dad. This role was not easy to fill.....this is a small town. Chaytor was (and still is) known as Robbie's son. I was (and am still referred to sometimes) as Robbie's wife. Over time this will change. Robbie will never be forgotten. We still have pictures up of Robbie and we still talk about him. I kept everything for Chaytor to remember him and all the cards and letters and awards and plaques are all still here for Chaytor when he wants to learn more about what happened.
But Chaytor needed a dad now. He needed someone here on earth that loved him like a dad can and be there for him like a dad can....and he does now.
God, thank you for Martin. Love, Chaytor