2010..looking back...

2010 was an amazing year for me!! I met Martin, feel in love, married him, and now we are adding to our family! So yeah...kinda a WOW year for me. I am thankful...so very thankful.
You see, lately I have had a lot of people say things about this past year to me like "You deserve it, you've been through a lot". I just smile and say thank you. You see, I don't believe that people "deserve" things like this. I know that may sound strange....but just because I had some pretty tough times, doesn't mean that I now deserve better. Ya know?
There are some great people out there, good Christians that do God's work and walk with Jesus and are just all around good people. And terrible stuff happens to them all the time. Bad stuff: cancer, death, financial problems, etc. Do THEY DESERVE IT?
I don't think so.
I don't think God controls every little thing that happens on this Earth. It took a while before I finally accepted that "theory" and this is why:
If I thought God made things happen for a reason, then I would have to believe he killed Robbie on purpose, that it was part of his plan. And God wouldn't do that to a man who was such a wonderful father. Chaytor is lucky that Martin came into our lives, we both are.
So, God gave us free will and stepped back. If you can explain it any other way, I would like to hear your theory (honestly, I would). See, here is my reasoning for my theory: why would things like cancer happen to a child? why would amazing, good people die from other "bad" people, why would hundreds of people die in hurricanes or mudslides or other natural disasters??? I use to think it may have been God's way to have population control! really I did and I haven't totally shut out that possibility.
Here is what it all comes down to: LOTS OF PEOPLE WANT ANSWERS ON WHY THINGS HAPPEN AND WE AS HUMANS WANT TO CONSOLE THEM AND SAY THINGS THAT WE REALLY HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT!
Here is what I mean: when Robbie was killed, I had several people tell me that God wanted him in Heaven, that God needed him more there. Well, my opinion is that is a load of caca (Spanish for fecal matter) because God knew how great Robbie was for Chaytor. Other things were said similar to that, but ultimately, that's what it came out to be.
Well, I know people didn't know what to say. So let me help you out here. Just say "I don't know what to say, I'm just so sorry this happened." That is all you need to say.
I believe bad things happen because of our choices. Sometimes they are a direct result and sometimes they are the result of someone elses bad decision. And there are times we may never have the answer. We are a society that wants answers here and now and fast. So when we don't know the answer we choose to believe it must have been in God's plan. Lots of people say "God has a plan" and he does. He told us he does. God loved so much that He made us. And He wants us to be good and follow Him so we can join Him in Heaven forever. There ya go. There is the plan. That doesn't mean it is going to happen. We can see that all around us. The hard part for me to understand (sometimes) is that He already knows our future, He knows what decisions we are going to make and the outcomes.....due to the Free Will He gave us. I have to think that if we follow God and His ways we have a better chance of having a full filling life, but it doesn't guarantee anything here on Earth due to others free will decisions...but it does guarantee life in Heaven. And again, in a society that wants good things NOW, it's hard for us to wait for those promises...we want them now and get frustrated and or angry when they don't happen to us. And we can blame God for this...it's a cycle really. Once that we, as Christ Followers, are constantly trying to break. It's hard.
So, looking back over 2010 I did make some good decisions, but I also made some bad. I met Martin (because I asked Brian Hughes who he was) ....God didn't float Martin over to me in church..LOL!!!!!!!!!!! So you see, I do think God has great things for us, but we have to get off our butts and reach for them...they do NOT just happen.