Prayer....

When I was a kid, I use to sit in church, with my head down but my eyes open...watching other people "pray". I guess I was wondering exaclty what they were doing. Did they really think their "prayers" would be answered? Was anyone really listening?
I remember thinking I knew so much more than they did.
I remember thinking how weak they must be to have to pray or ask someone for permission.
I remember thinking how stupid they were to believe in God.
I remember sitting there just waiting to get out.
Now...
I can't wait to go and do things with my church. And the people there and see what God can show me today.
I go to bed and pray to that same God.
I wake up thanking that same God for my life and loved ones.
I go through my day trying (trying I said here) to walk with Jesus and do what he wants me to do. Which as it turns out is what I really want to do.
And I've never felt stronger in my life. I admit, I had to hit my weakest to become my strongest.
So when I first started to pray ( about 2 years ago)I mean really pray. I would repeat what others had said. And I admit, I don't think I really meant it. I mean, I was going through the motions that I saw from others. But once it all started to fall into place, I started to realize what prayer was.
I think a big part of it is to understand that you have NO CONTROL about some stuff. I use to think it would be so hard to "hand it over to God"...LORD HAVE MERCY WAS I WRONG!!!! The weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I have never felt so free in my life than once I let it all go. I use to think I had to control everything. That things would not go right if I didn't have an much control as I should on situations.
So now I pray. A lot. Most if it is thanking God. LOTS of it is asking Him for guidance in which I have no idea what I should do. Some of it is asking for the blessing of a child with Martin.
But it always ends with me understanding and "saying" to God that I am happy with whatever you have planned for my life. If it includes a child, I would LOVE that.If it does not, I have to know that God has other plans for me.
I don't pray to become a big, corporate leader, or for more money to buy things, or for power. I am happy with my life. I am more fullfilled than ever. And it is all because I know God and we are friends. And I know what is important in life and I have it. I have love. Without it, life is nothing.
And I thank God for it. For what He gave us.