Our main speaker was Paul Robertson, he is a Youth Culture Specialist (http://www.paulrobertson.ca/main.html). He literally studies teenagers for a living. He spoke to us about our teenagers and their culture. He was/is amazing to listen to and keeps your attention well.
I am going to touch on some of the topics, give some stats that will 'smack you in the face', and talk about my perspective as a person who works with teenagers and as a mom. I highly advise that you check out his website, look through it, and learn more for yourself.
We started on Monday with the topic "The Power of a Picture- How Visuals Distort Reality for Kids".
Paul put this picture up (sorry it's from my phone, but I searched the web and couldn't find it)
SO- Before you read on.............what do you SEE?
Now, think like a teenager who is "finding" themselves now in their lives, trying to figure out who they are, what their beliefs are...........NOW, what do you see?
I will tell you what I saw: I saw one guy very happy that he had two girls on his hips, I saw skinny, physically attractive girls who also show a lot of skin, I see nothing but smiles on all of them...........so THEY MUST BE HAPPY!!!
What your teenager most likely sees: these jeans make you beautiful, you will be happy in these jeans, you will get a guy in these jeans and dang-He can get two girls who wear these jeans and wait- it's normal and ok to share a boyfriend? In fact, they seem pretty happy about it too......guys, you SHOULD have 2 girls............
the list can go on and on, and this advertisement has no words on it except the name of the company- it's all just a picture.
It doesn't HAVE to say this to your teenager. You can be the one to help make this advertisement false. (FYI- This ad was found in one of those pre-teen/teenager pop magazines, the ones that tell them how to dress, how to act, what's cool and what's not) so make sure you know what your teen is reading as well.
You may think "My teenager knows better" but the truth is they don't always. BE the parent, KNOW what they are reading and looking at.............
The teenagers these days are growing up in a "narcissistic society"- they are a "generation who adore themselves" (Paul Robertson). Hence, the outbreak of selfies.........just go browse through your social media - Facebook, Instagram, Snap Chat, etc.- it's everywhere. As Paul talked to us about this, it hit me that I TOO have taken selfies as times and when I am totally honest with myself, it's cause I felt good about how I looked. I had a great hair day OR my face looked thin - no matter the reason (and this is ME, I am not speaking for others) I wanted others to tell me I looked good. Man that's embarrassing to admit, but why else would I have done it?
Did you know there is an APP that can like your pictures for you???? So it looks like hundreds of others liked your picture????????
Paul gave us 6 signs of a narcissism in today's youth culture:
1. fascination with celebrities
2. pursuing personal happiness at any cost (including your friends and family)
3. epidemic of cheating (see Paul's website for those stats)
4. sense of entitlement (this one is BIG!!!! They don't see cheating and other moral issues as problems- they deserve to do these things, it's their right)
5. materialism and conspicuous consumption (trying to keep up with the Jones's when you don't have the means to do so- debt piles up, etc)
6. obsession with physical appearance
I believe many of these have been around for a while, but WHY are they so out of control NOW...............
The Internet, technology..........it's always, always in their faces. They are told everywhere they look (not just in line at the grocery store where the magazines are posted for sale), everywhere how they are suppose to look, how to act, what is "good", what is not.................... and ALL from a non-Christian based resource.
But there is good news: We already know GOD wins. The enemy uses these ways to try to win our children over to him, and sometimes he does win, BUT he doesn't have to.......I will get to that more at the end of this blog post.
We did talk and learn about other things but the one that hit me the hardest, the one I got angry about was Pornography and the statistics:
- 93% of boys and 62% of girls are exposed to Internet pornography before the age of 18
- average age of first encounter to Internet porn is 11
- 70% of boys have spent more that 30 consecutive minutes looking at online porn- 35% have done this on more than 10 occasions
- 23% of girls have spent more than 30 consecutive minutes looking at online porn-14% have done this on more than 1 occasion
- 83% of boys and 57% of girls have viewed group sex on the Internet
My jaw dropped. All I could think about was Chaytor, he will be 11 in July.
What is scary about this (besides just these facts) is that this is how most kids are introduced to sex. Many have not had "the talk" or any other mature conversation about sex, so this is their first visual (notice the VISUAL part) encounter with sex.
Paul showed us an interview with a young girl who had this exact encounter with Internet porn- she said "I went home and balled my eyes out. It was violent and it scared me. I will NEVER forget it.".
Another interview we watched showed a teenage boy who had become addicted to it.
Is this possible? YES. They did a study that showed how addicts (drugs, alcohol) brain's work when they use- it was the same brain activity seen in those who watch porn and become addicted.
How does this happen?
EASY- our kids have the Internet at their finger tips almost all day long- especially if they have a smart phone. One girl that was interviewed said the guys in her class watch it DURING independent reading time- they are on their Kindle, or NOOK, or say that their book is on their phone. But right in the middle of class and IN SCHOOL.
Our kids have computers in their bedrooms. They are able to get on the Internet when mom and dad aren't home from work yet. They go to a friend's house and maybe that kid's parents are not checking on their own child's Internet activities. They are in the mall "shopping" on their own with a group of friends- the ways they can get to it are endless.
Shoot- it wasn't porn, but Chaytor was exposed to an inappropriate online video when he was at someone elses home. He told me about it, because he knew the words they used were wrong.
At this point I wanted to place my boys in a bubble and never let them go anywhere without me.
But that is not the answer. Here is MY answer (some are Paul's suggestions, but some are mine- no, I am no expert, but I am a parent who is aware and not naive about this now)
First of all, understand THIS: SILENCE IS A PERMISSION SLIP
BE the parent. Don't assume these stats don't include your kid. Check up on them constantly. Talk to them- all the time. Keep an openness to these kinds of conversations with them. Get a WiFi router that has parental controls (Paul told us about an great one that is called SpyDog; you can control all wifi devices separately at the same time: http://skydog.com/ ). Take that computer out of their room. Don't let then go to bed with their phone in their room (other stats included how teenagers are only getting 2.3-3.5 hours of REM sleep a night, not the needed 8 because their phone is constantly lighting up).
I could go on and on............and again, I am not the expert. But I will tell you what I saw in the schools when I was teaching: I saw parents who didn't want to deal with parenting a teenager (not all of them, but the longer I taught, the more I saw this). I saw teenagers who had the run of the house- mom and dad never said NO, they were scared to. I saw parents who saw their teenager as able to make their own decisions, and did not talk to them about consequences..............
Don't be that parent. Your teenager still needs you; they need to know that you are there for them, even when they screw up bad. Do not desert your child, especially at this age. I know it takes more time to do these things with your teenager, I know you are exhausted at the end of the day and don't think you can deal with more once you get home. But you can.
When you talk to your kids- DO NOT FREAK OUT ON THEM! That is an automatic shut down if you start preaching a sermon and/or yelling. EXPLAIN things to them; talk with them, not AT them. Let them ask you ANYTHING without your facial expressions showing judgment on them
and really listen to them. If you don't, you may lose them, whether it be about the topic or just trusting you in general.
Sit down with your spouse and really decide how you will handle situations and make sure you come to an agreement- and then STICK TO IT. Your kids learn that one parent will say no and the other will say yes. They will learn how to play you if you let them. If you are divorced and your child spends time away from you at another home- come to an agreement with that parent. I am sure this is so much easier said than done and no, I haven't had to deal with that, but I do know it's important that both parents, whether in the same home or not, need to agree on their Internet policies for their children.
If your child is going to a friend's home- talk to that parent. Let them know YOUR policy for your child. Do not assume that "they are good people, I am sure that would never happen there...." cause, ummmmm...look at the stats......it happens SOMEWHERE............... It's your child. Protect them.
Teach your children the Word of God. Understand the importance of studying and teaching theology. Lead your student to a God centered life. Don't leave it up to others. We love that they are in student ministry and we love to teach them, but YOU have got to be part of that. You have to show how important it is to YOU and YOUR family.
We can "attack" this together. You and I. Your church and your family. Together, we can take back our children. We can teach them right from wrong, not let society do the teaching. We can teach them how to see the tricks the enemy is using to try to win them over.
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