Those of you who call PCC your home have heard Brian and other staff members say "We have last 10% conversations around here. We are authentic and real."
He covered this kind of conversation at Sunday's message: being a Nathan. Nathan was a prophet who told King David the raw truth. While everyone else was buttering up King David and his vile decision to kill off the husband of the woman he had an affair with....Nathan told it like it was...........
Read 2 Samuel 11-12. Nathan is real and is "in David's face" about what the King truly did to this man, Uriah the Hittite.
I am pretty honest with people. I am not always a Nathan with everyone. There are things you learn quickly when you decide to be a Nathan to someone:
1. Nathanism is not tolerated by everyone.
Even though this world would be a better place if it was accepted by everyone- there would be less BS, less gossip, and more open truthful relationships. If you decide to be a Nathan, you will learn you can not be a Nathan to all of your friends. Some of your friends will not like it- I call those people friends. Not acquaintances but not good friends. Ya get it? You can be friends and hang out and all, but they aren't going to be 100% truthful with you and they can't handle you being 100% truthful with them. It's the first 90% kinda conversations you will have with these people. And that is OK. It's OK to have friends like that. We all do.
You will possibly lose friends as well. Some people can't take it. They can't handle the truth (no, I didn't mean to write a line from A Few Good Men) but to be honest, the line is the truth. Some people don't want to hear what others may think is a wrong decision they made or a behavior they show sometimes...........I mean, it's hard to swallow.
But there are some points here to make: it has to be done the right way (especially if this friend is new to your Nathanism) and I will hit upon that later on, it may be that YOU aren't THEIR Nathan (maybe they have a Nathan somewhere else and the position has been filled), or it could be a simple as they don't want to hear, in any way-loving or not, that they made a bad decision or something. Some people live in a defensive world. They constantly start to defend themselves in ANY situation- they don't even wait for you to finish what you need to say to them. They interrupt you and start firing at you......................there are people like that in MY life. I've learned that they don't want a Nathan, even when their actions hurt someone.......they are more concerned that others believe that they didn't do something wrong or acted in a harmful way towards themselves or others. They are very concerned that no one knows they aren't perfect, or their family isn't perfect. It's all about appearances.
Appearances fade.
It's a selfish demon. I've had it for a long time on my back. He has fallen off thank God, but he walks behind me closely, especially around certain people. SO far, I have kept him off. I've learned that I am not perfect and those who truly love me, know that too. And they call it out in in a loving way that has no other agenda for THEM but to help ME.
2. Nathanism must be done with pure love and nothing but the right intentions to the person you want to talk to. It must be done with patience. It must be done with the purest intention that you want to help this person be a better person. If there is any agenda in it, it will eventually come out............maybe not right away, but eventually it will.
I have been privy to that. A friend, and yes this person is now a 90% friend because of this conversation, had that talk with me. But there was an agenda behind it. Not giving details, but warning, if you do this, if you lovingly confront someone, but with a hidden agenda, it will surface at sometime. And it will most probably ruin that 100% good friendship.
3. Nathanism is kind of an 'art'. You must learn how to do it. You must also learn how to accept it if it's YOU who needs Nathanizing. I was scared of my first Nathan talk, but now that I have had a few, it's OK. I know who does it out of love and respect for me as a Christian. I always have to "digest" the information that has been given to me. I talk about it with Martin; he knows all my luggage, etc. and isn't afraid to say "Ya, that person is right. you DO do that."
4. Nathanism will bring those who love you, truly love you for WHO you are, closer to you and you to them. These are friends who you trust. Really trust. You know they want nothing but the best for you and your relationships. What you may see happening in your life is less friendships, but more authentic friends. Like I said before, you may lose some friends (and family) over this......but (at least this is true for me) I know the authentic friends I have before me love me, trust me, and we can have a real friendship.
5. There is a time and a place for Nathanism. It's a private thing, not to be discussed in the company of others. Not to be discussed in public. Not to be discussed as soon as it happens (some times) unless it's an emergency to that person or others who may be impacted.
So, there is MY sermon on Nathanism. Like I said, it has brought me closer to some friends and I've "lost" some too. I am not a Nathan to all my friends, just a select few. I am careful about how and what I say. I state it like I would want it said to me. I also keep it to things that matter.......not superficial issues.
Hope this helps those of you who are considering Nathanism as a possible avenue for your friendships.
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